Feeling unloved

A sense that the people closest to you do not see you, value you or care for you the way you need. In Urdu the words Roshara uses lean towards feeling unvalued, be qadri ka ehsaas, the feeling of not being prized. That is often closer to the truth than "unloved".

No guideline Roshara follows names this as a symptom of perimenopause, and we are not going to claim it is one. NHS inform, Scotland's health site, lists loss of self-confidence and feelings of loss of self among common menopause symptoms. Those sit near this feeling, but they are not the same. Roshara's symptom score asks about it anyway, because it belongs in the picture you take to your doctor.

The nearest topic with guidance behind it is low mood.

Sitting at a full dinner table and feeling alone. A husband who asks what is for dinner and never how you are. Children who need you less, and a house that runs on your work without ever mentioning it. A mother-in-law's comment you would once have shrugged off, now lodged in your chest for days.

It can also turn inwards: wondering whether you are still attractive, still useful, still yourself. Some of that may be your circumstances. Some of it may be how you are feeling. It can be both, and you do not have to work out the proportions before you talk about it.

Bring it up at your next appointment, alongside anything else that has changed: your sleep, your periods, your mood, your energy. Saying "I have been feeling unvalued" to a doctor can feel strange. It is still useful information.

The NHS website says a low mood can leave you feeling low on confidence and self-esteem, and says to see a GP if a low mood lasts more than 2 weeks, you are struggling to cope, or what you are trying is not helping. If feeling unloved comes with that kind of heaviness, read low mood and depression.

This is a page about home as much as health. The Pakistan Menopause Society's recommendations put weight on the family too: they ask doctors to involve family members in counselling, and list honest talk about hormonal changes, respect for personal space and encouragement of a positive body image as ways husbands and families can help (sections 4.2.4.4 and 4.2.6).

That can start small. Showing someone this page. Asking for one thing you need, out loud. Partner and family support has more.

If the feeling is tied up with questions about marriage, duty or patience in your faith, a qualified scholar is the person to ask. And if something at home is more than feeling unseen, and you do not feel safe, tell your doctor.